That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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