I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize