First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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