I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize