I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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