Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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