i just google imaged poop.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize