Say something about gay babies.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
not ubering you a puppy
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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