discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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