Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
