this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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