just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
