she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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