I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize