Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
