just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
