My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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