my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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