She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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