Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
