biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
