We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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