He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
