Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
