I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Randomize
