3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
