and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
