Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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