In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
