I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize