Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
