we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize