Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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