so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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