also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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