My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Randomize
