I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
