Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
