I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
