And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
