I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
