Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
