you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
