community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Let's paint friendship bongs
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
