you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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