Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
