So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i drank out of a bidet.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
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