He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
