Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
