I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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