I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
