She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
