It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
