This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
accomplished twins. life is a go
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
