Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize