she smelled like a LAN party
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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