and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
