He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
