I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
