we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he's gonorrhea incarnate
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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