Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
