How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
