some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
