shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
