I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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