Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it hurts more in the daytime
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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