the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My liver just had a heart attack.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
