Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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