Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
