i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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