just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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