I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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