was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
