hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
