matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize