So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
