He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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