i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Let's get the cat blown out
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
