so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize