i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
