I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
