if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
