I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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