How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
