I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
