I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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