he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
