Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
