Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize