Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
