He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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