2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
